Inner peace

This video appeared when I randomly selected for "purpose driven life" and it miraculously addressed my issue.

I was having happiness issue for the past months, or even years. I started to lose myself when I got married and gave birth. I thought, love will save you forever, but turns out that outsourcing our happiness is not an eternal solutions.

When I was single, I was having many dreams, and determined to achieve it one by one, and I did, thank God. I got cum laude for my undergraduate degree, I got my post graduate degree in Europe, met the love of my life, and got married before 30... it all seemed perfect.

And the perfections had made me lose myself. I lose grip, I lose the purpose of life. My purpose of life used to be "HOPE", but now I am no longer having hope. I am used to marriage life, where I breastfeed my daughter while sleeping, wakes up, running late to the office, going home, meet my family and repeat.

I lose PURPOSE. and that made me lost my job, recently. I didn't know what I'm doing, I hates it, and it made my work and attitude sucks. The job was awful, the job description didn't do justice to what I'm actually doing, more clerical stuffs than managerial work, etc. Yes, I blame it to the JD, to the organizations, and to my boss.

But this video reminds me that if we're like a balloon floating in the air, we will not achieve stable happiness. If we keep outsourcing happiness to others, then we won't achieve inner peace.

This is exactly what I need. I always blame external condition, or sometimes myself, when something didn't happen as I wish for. I always seek for happiness although I had everything that I need.

The problem is, I don't have inner peace.

I always feel unsatisfied.
I always seeking for something that I don't know what it is.
I always feeling less...

It is not less that makes us unhappy, but it is our state of mind.
In this video, seemed like meditation is the right answer.

But I also want to go back again to my purpose of life. If I keep doing what I'm doing now, I won't solve my problem. If I find a new job, the cycle will repeat and so on.

This reminds me of Jeff Bezos infamous regret minimization framework. Picture what do you want to be when you're 80?

I want to be a happy grandma.
I want to have just enough grandchildren.
I want to enjoy life, travel and meet other people.
I don't want to be super rich, but I want to be just enough to fund myself without being a burden for my children and grandchildren.
I don't want to be a startup founder that rocked the world, but I want to have meaning for others.

Then what should I do to make those come true? by working hard?
no, by doing what I love.

what do I love?
I love meeting new people, I love making friends, I love knowing other culture, I love to travel.

But then how do I fund all of those, and how do I make money from it?
I don't know.

I don't have the answer right now.