Me myself and the marriage

Here I am.. 12:46 midnight and I feel restless. On my right, my daughter that has a bit of fever tonight, and besides her is hubby.
On the 26th this month, I'll celebrate my 31st birthday. You can say that I had pretty much accomplish all my before 30th list, including eurotrip, postgraduate, got married, having a child, and being a manager.

However, sometimes I feel unhappy. After thinking about it, I think it's who I am now that makes me unhappy. I live in such an igmorant metropolis city that makes me ignorant as well. Makes me obnoxious, impolite, rude, and snobbish.

I expect to be treated respectfully by the waiters, yet I forgot to treat them the same way.
I am full of anger.
I like to be mad, I like to get into a fight and win.
I do not apologies.
I know I was wrong but I still do not admit it.
I know some people I met are bad, but I'm just same as them.
I know some people are good, but I'm always paranoid that they are bad.

I know I need to do charity, to ease all this anger inside me. To see those more unfortunate than me, and to be grateful.

Yet I always feel I don't have time because I need to work and take care of my daughter.
I don't even go to church anymore.

Okay that's my confession. I'm a very bad person and I admit it. It feels good to admit it.

On the marriage side, hubby is growing just like me. We grows together, we spend 700 days more together, thus we grow alike. I can see that he's full of anger as well.

I wish we can be honest to each other, to improve one another. I guess marriage doesnt guarantee that you can say everything to your spouse.

I guess nothing really guarantee anything, it's all comes from within.